The real American dream

The American dream is not to raise 2.5 kids in a nice house. Many of us have been there and have seen the price tag. Sure, most of us can find comfortable living within our means. For some, that might mean having older cars or not eating out as much. For some, it means both husband and wife work full time jobs to support their lifestyle. I dream of those things but how can we be truly happy when our world today encourages constant spending?

Everywhere you look there’s an ad for a new car, new homes, new clothes, and new movies in the theater. There’s lotions, potions, and new energy drinks coming out every day. We’re encouraged to spend our money on anything and everything because we all need whatever is new and whatever is on sale. We all have to have the newest car, even if we have to wait a couple years. And we all have to start our day off with a $5 cup of coffee.

I get that consumerism supports the economy because it allows for jobs. It gives jobs to the people that manufacture, advertise, sell, and deliver goods. That’s great! But it’s a vicious cycle.

If two married people go spend 9 hours of their day making $10 an hour to pay rent, car payments, food, and childcare, they don’t have enough money to buy the items they sell. Because they have to have those items they take on extra hours or another job for more money. Or they work till they can’t any more in hopes of a promotion with more pay. Meanwhile, who is raising their kids?

Their kids are being raised at the baby-sitters and by the television. Their kids are learning the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life (Cable Guy reference). No wonder kids look like a bunch of Jersey Shore people or Justin Bieber.

While these folks are busting their butts in their jobs and making barely enough to get by, others are living our dreams. The people they work for are making so much money that they wouldn’t be able to relate to their employees if they had to.

I read about a CEO a couple years ago that received a $18 million bonus as they laid off thousands from their company. Those people who were laid off were working for wages under $50,000.

I understand that making decisions on running a company is a difficult job but is it worth $25 million a year when a company can’t afford to pay people $50,000? Does the difference between a corporate jet or flying with everyone else make up enough to save some jobs?

Big companies are more concerned about their millions or billions than supporting America’s real economy. People are spending less money now then they did five years ago because they’re afraid they might lose their job tomorrow or they already have. That wallet tightening is causing more layoffs which is causing even less spending.

America will not fully turn around unless big businesses become less greedy. Nobody needs to earn $25 million in one year. If I made that much I’d retire after one year! People do, however need jobs to support their families and buy those $250 Nikes.

I don’t see anything positive coming any time soon but I hope I’m wrong. I hope those with all the money out there realize that the government can’t bail us all out and that they can’t take all that money with them when their time is over.

These are just my thoughts. Hope I didn’t offend any wealthy CEO’s out there.

-JR

Country music’s identity crisis

Once upon a time there was a genre of music called country western. It derived from folk music but introduced a twist by adding glamor. Artists like Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Johnny Cash, and many others took the everyday person and added a faster tempo. They still used a similar lyric format and started to sing about more “risque” topics for their times. Boys, girls, sex, drugs, rock’n'roll?

Since then, country music has continued to change to it’s surroundings. In the 70′s, disco had it’s say in how country sounded. But then again, disco even infected rock music.

Country even took on a blues approach by becoming a way for people to express their sorrows.

I’ve only ever been a fan of as many country musicians as I could count count on my hand. That list hasn’t grown since I was a kid. Today’s country seems to be confused with other genres.

Here’s my thoughts on what gets played today. These are just my opinions and aren’t meant to offend or persuade.

Country artists remind me of church folks. They seem to be pretty and clean and talk about being good citizens. They have what I call “country-isms” just like hip-hop has their own isms. Daddy, mamma, Georgia, jeans, clean cut, pretty, Jesus, God, tractor, river, and boots are all things you wouldn’t find in a rap song. Yet you’ll certainly find them in nearly all country songs. Instead of finding them in a club (like 250,000 hip-hip songs) they want you to find them at a party or in the fields.

In comparison to hip-hop, they still paint a fictitious image. The ideal country artist appears to be working class where the average hip-hopper wants us to believe they all have private jets and party every night. Neither are true. I will give credit to country for that image in comparison because their fans emulate their favorite stars. It’s much more realistic to work hard than aspire to have a house on MTV cribs and drive a Bentley.

There are other country artists that are one step from being rock stars. They just can’t quite get it right. They can’t shake their twang and they look pretty silly.

I don’t want to cry when I listen to music (even though I have). If I want emotion I’ll watch a Lifetime movie. Music is a mood setter and I like to have something to lift my spirits.

The bottom line is that I don’t label myself a fan of any style of music. I like certain songs regardless of who sings them and there are some people that I like enough to listen to an entire album. But I don’t aspire to be like any of them and don’t understand why anyone would design their wardrobe or lifestyle to follow a type of music.

Take it or leave it, that’s my 2 cents.

-JR

I love Fall

Fall is my favorite time of year in California. We have been use to the hot temperatures from the summer so every increment of cooler weather is welcomed. I love not having to run the air conditioner but enjoying the cold enough to not turn on the heater.

I think Fall is the most beautiful season because trees turn red, gold, orange, brown and yellow. It brings us a color pallet that wasn’t seen all summer and won’t be seen all winter.

Fall never seems to come in Texas. They only have two seasons-9 months of summer and 3 months of winter. In the week long transition into winter, it’s still too humid to open any windows.

The cold mornings reminds me of walking to school as a kid and getting a smell in the air that only comes once a year. It’s time to get out the sweaters and prepare for the cold. But in the meantime, I will enjoy the cool nights and mornings.

Watching them grow up

It seems like yesterday when the kids were so little that I had to rock them to sleep. Wynter came into my life just after her second birthday when I met Megan. She was a very special two year old. She was so smart and such a loving little lady. She was always very advanced and very mature for her age and I loved being a part of her growing up.

Although my life changed when I started a new family, everything changed even more when Audrey was born. Every time I looked at her I realized that she was part of me and I wanted to be the best person I could be.

Fast forward to today. Zoe is five months old, Wynter just turned nine, and Audrey is five.

It’s hard to believe that Wynter is nine. She was tested at a reading level five grades above hers. She continues to advance so quickly that sometimes I forget she is still a kid.

Audrey is in Kindergarden and just lost her first tooth. She is learning to read and is excited every day to go to school. Every time I look at her I want to see my little baby but I see a girl that is growing up just like her older sister.

It excites me to see my girls getting bigger and learning new things. They’re taking interests in new things and they bring tons of entertainment into my life. But at the same time, I see my little babies that don’t want to be babies anymore.

No matter how old they get, my girls will always be my life and I’m glad to hear them say they love me every day.

Thanks to my brother Matt for the photos!

What did we do before doctors?

I made a goal for 2010 that I would get healthier. I wrote down a list of things that I felt were wrong with me and committed to seeing a doctor.

Prior to this year I subscribed to the theory that I only needed to go to the doctor if something was broken. One time a couple years ago I went to my doctor in Texas to get a shot because I had a really bad cold and thought it might’ve been pneumonia.

I took my list to my a doctor at the beginning of the year and asked if we could discuss everything. I also asked if I should be having an annual physical since I hadn’t been. He said we could do a physical or address my list at that time. I chose to go with my list. As I ran down my list, he assured me that everything on that list was fine and there was no need to worry. I never actually got my physical.

One item on my list got a little attention. For years, I have had issues with the quality of my sleep. I was referred to a sleep specialist. I was assured that they would accept my insurance so I went for a consultation. I came back for an overnight sleep study to see if I had sleep apnea. They hooked me up to all kinds of things and recorded me while I was asleep.

Here’s the back story on my sleep: for years, I have had no problem falling asleep but never wake up feeling rested. A person in their thirties should feel great after 6-8 hours of sleep. If I sleep for 6 hours, I’ll sleep right through both alarm clocks. If I sleep 8-9 hours, it takes a marching band to get me out of bed and I’m exhausted.

I went back to the sleep center to review my results and found that I did not have sleep apnea. I had a strange sleep pattern where I don’t get enough quality sleep. I touch REM sleep on and off briefly at the end of my sleep. The rest of night is hovering in beginning stages of sleep. I should experience REM sleep early on and stay there much longer. What it boils down to is that if I sleep for 8 hours, I get about 25-50% of the quality sleep my body needs. Therefore I don’t feel rested.

The sleep specialist told me that there was no treatment for what I had because it was very unusual. I pointed out that during the night I woke up about 6 times but went right back to sleep. None of this was anything he had seen before. Therefore he advised me to take a medication that airline pilots sometimes take on a long flight to stay alert. He stressed that it must be taken early in the morning so I wasn’t up all night. The idea was that by giving me more energy during the day I would sleep better at night. What actually happened was after taking it at 6am, I didn’t get a boost of energy but I couldn’t sleep that night. I found myself falling asleep around 2am when I normally go to bed at 11. I stuck it out for a few days but decided it was making things worse and I stopped it.

Remember when I said my insurance would cover this? It turns out that the doctor has a separate practice that would be covered by my insurance. But he billed through the sleep center which wasn’t covered so I received a $1,600 bill. Ever feel like punching someone in the face?

It was determined that treating my sleep disorder wouldn’t be easy so my primary doctor stopped mentioning it.

After several visits to my regular doctor, I started to notice something strange. He works in a large medical center with several offices. Every office has multiple doctors except his. Every time I go for a visit, I wait 30-40 minutes past my appointment time in the lobby, then wait another 10-15 in a room before I see him. When he gets to me he is in a hurry to run in and run out. Every symptom I bring to him is given a similar response: I’m not too concerned about it, come back in a month unless it gets worse.

All of this was pretty aggravating considering the amount of time and money I’ve spent this year. But then something really upset me. I had a car accident 2 months ago. I went to see him 2 days later with terrible pains and stiffness in my back, neck, and shoulders. After looking at me for 3 minutes, he didn’t mention x-rays or MRIs. He just said that he felt like I would feel better within a couple weeks. He offered to prescribe medication for pain but I declined because I’m in my car all day.

I spoke with my attorney later that day and was referred to a chiropractor. I’ve been going there for 2 months now and am steadily getting better but am not close to full recovery.

I somehow damaged a nerve which causes numbing electrical volt feelings in my face. I told him that this made me feel nauseous so he prescribed me medicine for nausea. Still no concern with what’s happening to me. Ps-that didn’t help at all.

So I started this year hoping to get medical advice on my health and have received none. I still sleep like crap and feel like crap. I have waisted thousands of dollars and days of my life.

Since I’m changing our healthcare provider next year, I will be looking for a new doctor. However, I am going back to my old theory. If I’m dying, running a fever for a week, or have a broken bone then I will see a doctor. Doctors seem to be more concerned with billing insurance companies for office visits than having healthy patients. It’s a shame that the healthcare profession is so broken but I will no longer be waisting my life away in an office lobby.

Family reunion

When I was a kid we got together at my grandparents house in Fresno for everything. 4th of July, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or even random summer days to swim in their pool. We would make regular trips down to Fresno and I even used to spend the day with my Grandma and Grandpa while my dad went out to conduct his business in town. We were a very close family and I have many fond memories of hanging out with my cousins.

My Grandpa passed away when I was in the 7th grade and my Grandma followed when I was a senior in high school. Both deaths were very difficult on all of my family because they meant so much to us. My Grandmother’s funeral in 1997 was the last family function I attended for many years. I made it to a birthday party seven or eight years ago when my parents were getting back together (another long story) and saw some of my family there.

Two of my brothers in Stockton and Manteca have been part of the glue to hold another side of my family together. I have one sister and five brothers which is the largest family on my fathers side. He has six brothers and their father was one of eleven. We now gather up north for birthday parties and holidays.

We moved from Texas a year ago and landed in Fresno for my work. I’ve spoken to some local family on Facebook but hadn’t seen them at all. Since this was supposed to be my year of getting better (health and overall well-being), I sent an email out recommending some kind of family get together. I got several replies and within a week had a time and place set. My Aunt Sharon and Uncle Pat volunteered their home and I sent out invites to my dad and siblings.

For the first time in thirteen years, my family came down without a funeral to attend and caught up with the our huge family in Fresno. I estimated about sixty people throughout the day. We had BBQ and talked and talked and talked. My kids had never met most of these people so it was exciting to show them how big their family was.

I try to teach the importance of family to my kids so sharing my family history and involving them in events like this is magical to me.

It was a great time and I’m so glad I came across a couple emails addresses a few weeks ago. I hope to see many of them very soon, even if we don’t have a BBQ.

Dang!

Can I just say that I HATE that the wordpress app on the iPhone doesn’t auto save? I have a habit of jumping out to get a picture or look something up and I lose EVERYTHING I just typed! Arg!

I shouldn’t be alive

I’ve seen several episodes of I shouldn’t be alive. I’ve never had bad or sad feelings when watching because the survivors narrate the story so I know they did, indeed, survive. I just saw an episode that made me feel all kinds of emotions.

Although both characters obviously survived, it kills me to see children suffer. A father took his young daughter on a fishing trip in the Outback but rocks in the desert kept popping their tires. The father brought multiple back up tires for this vary reason but the frequency began happening way to quickly. After running through all their spare tires, they were stuck in the Outback without a way to get out. The dad let the air out of another tire to even the ride and rode the flat tires as far as he could. Eventually, the strain from pulling the vehicle’s weight caused the engine to catch fire. They ran from their car as it was engulfed in flames.

Now on foot, they wondered through the desert for 8 days with no food or water. The worst thing about the desert is that it gets extremely hot during the day but then gets freezing cold at night. Neither are conditions that people can survive for a long period of time. They were missed by a helicopter during the day and a car at night. They were weak and the little girl was starting to shut down. The father did everything he could to keep her warm at night and at least shaded in the daytime.

The doctors said that she was about 2-3 hours from death when they were rescued. They found a road where they stayed but she was not doing well and there was no shade in site. Her father dug a hole in the dirt, put her in, and buried her body to keep cool. This was the point that they could go no further which is where a car came along.

The reenactment made me sad as I watched the father and what looked like his 10-12 year old daughter suffer. However, the ending was worse. They showed actual photos of when they were rescued and the girl was only about 5. She was tiny. The thought of putting one of my girls through any of that was so bad that I immediately went up stairs and peeked into their rooms while they slept.

I even gave them a little kiss.

A million dollars?

I know it’s not healthy to fantasize about being rich when I am not, but the thought runs through my mind every day.

What would you do with a million dollars in your bank account? Would it last a year?

I can say (because I’ve thought so much about it) that I wouldn’t waste it. I would buy a new home for my family. I would pay off bills. And I would probably buy a few nice things but wouldn’t go out and buy a new porche or anything crazy.

My kids would get things they need without me taking from other priorities. I wouldn’t have to worry about what to do when I get in a car accident and have to buy a new car. No worries about surprise hospital bills or a broken air conditioner.

I would still go to work every day and continue to live within the means of my salary. I would live just like I do today but with a lot less stress.

I would support my wife going back to school. Maybe I would even go back to graduate or law school.

A million dollars isn’t enough to make me greedy and irresponsible but it sure would be enough to add a level of comfort to our lives.

Go Eagles!

I have passed on many opportunities over the years to see an Eagles game for various reasons. Cowboys games in Dallas were way too expensive due to a greedy team owner capitalizing on a division rivalry. I almost flew to Philly to meet friends from Jersey for a game against the Giants. And I quickly decided not to attend Raiders game in the past because I cherish my life. With so many obstacles in the past, this game was a no-brainer. A Sunday night game, the day after my birthday, I had the following week off for vacation, my fellow Eagles fan brother Mike (rookie of the year) wasn’t traveling around the world, and a guy I work with has season tickets and had to work the next day. The stars were aligned-how could we say no?

I woke up early Sunday morning and headed up to Stockton to pick Mike up and we voyaged West. We stopped in Tracy so I could get a new hat, we ate lunch in Pleasanton, and sat in traffic for what seemed like an hour to get onto the bay bridge. As we got close, we got to see the Blue Angels do part of their show over the bay, which was probably why traffic was so bad.

After finding a parking lot that wasn’t full, we walked a couple miles to the park. There were several Eagles fans but not nearly as many as the 49ers fans who heckled us along the way. We both had to use the restroom so we just smiled and kept walking.

We came in on the opposite side of the stadium so we walked around for a while and attempted to make calls and send text messages, oh, and check-in to foursquare so the “swarm” badge could be unlocked. Cell sites aren’t built to support 50,000 users all at once so we could get out on our phones even though we had full service. I wish I would’ve thought about that before. I finally found a wifi hot spot at half time, but my battery died 10 minutes later. If you know me, you know that I don’t do well without my cellphone. Note to self: go buy a green charger.

Our seats were great. Lower reserve, section 30, row 11. That means that we were 11 rows up from the corner of the end zone.

First, let’s talk about the game. Kevin Kolb had a great game. A series of consistent movement across the field, and while no great defense existed, we did score a touchdown from a fumble recovery. An interception also ended the game when we regained possession at the end. Seeing Michael Vick would’ve been nice but we won anyway and he should be back next week. There’s one thing that’s better than seeing your team live-seeing them win!

Now let’s talk about fans. If anyone ever wanted to see their team on the road, San Francisco is the city to do it in. Every team has loud fans and we had them surrounding us. With all the trash talking that started before the game, nobody was mean or unwelcoming. Green jerseys were everywhere and we had a blast yelling at each other and cheering for our teams.

I’ve never seen so many Eagles fans anywhere before. We met local fans, couples that wore eagles gear to support their significant other (even one girl that was a chargers fan who wore her boyfriends jersey). We even met an old guy with an even older throwback that came out from Philly to see the game.

I made my way into several people’s pictures. I snuck in to show off my eagles hat behind a 9ers fan showing his pride. Some drunk guy who saw my jersey and asked if he could take a picture with me because my jersey is number 57 (personalized with my name) which was his lucky number. He asked the people behind me to take a picture and wanted to make sure my jersey was in the shot. This guy had a lot to drink and wasn’t paying attention that I was sporting eagles gear and he was in a 49ers get-up. I bet he woke up this morning and slapped himself. I wish I had them take one with my camera so I could put it all over the Internet.

On a different timeline, a not-so-good story took place. My cousin came up from Los Angeles with his friend and their wives to see the game. They bought tickets on an online ticket middleman site and planned their visit with a hotel stay the night before. They got there early, did some tail-gating, and went to the stadium. The ticket scanner told them that those tickets had already been redeemed. They called the company where they got the tickets and found that the tickets were double sold. They offered to get them new tickets if they left the game and came to get them. They had already paid for parking and missed the kickoff. They had to get tickets from a scalper outside and settled for nosebleed seats. They got to see part of the game but they paid 4 times too much, missed the first quarter, and almost missed it all together. We met up with them after the game and swapped stories.

It was a great time and our next plan is to make it to Philly to see a home game.

-JR